We as women need to support each other more, and not be critical and judgmental of one another. And I mean in everything! From choices on healthcare, choosing to breast feed or not, choices on discipline, choices on epidurals, etc. Isn't it hard enough to have all these unrealistic expectations put on us from Hollywood, Men, and the media? We as women should band together and support one another instead of putting the same unrealistic expectations on one another. I have so many thoughts on this to share with you, my fellow new mom. I have learned so much already, and I know the Lord, and my daughter, have so much more to teach me!

First of all, if there are parts of this journey that are instinctual, than we aren't trusting ourselves. I think we doubt ourselves thinking that books, doctors, psychiatrists and research know more about our children than we do. Well, honey. guess what I have learned...we had that little being in our bodies for 9 months, we pushed it out for 12, 24 or like me, 32 hours. We go through every moment with this little person and you know what? NO ONE knows more about her than you do. Don't take what everyone tells you (books, doctors, nurses) as written in stone. Use them as your guides as you navigate through this tumultuous journey called Motherhood. But always remember, YOU are the captain.

And secondly, and this is a biggie, Breastfeeding is not wonderful and natural. THIS is the biggest lie that was told to me. I read books, talked to relatives and took a breastfeeding class before Carla's delivery. I was told it doesn't hurt if you do it right, and that it is natural and instinctual. Well, it wasn't for me. And when I talked to other people for support, I found that the truth was glossed over. Only 2 out of the 15 women I talked to had an easy time of it. The others were like me, a very painful and trying experience. I stuck with it and gritted my teeth for three weeks, until I got used to it. The benefits of breastmilk are countless for the baby. But I think we need to be honest about it with each other. And this is where I get to support again. I have never seen women be so judgmental towards other women that don't breastfeed. This just kills me. As if it is anybody's business! As if this journey for each and everyone of us isn't hard enough, we need to criticize each other to make each other doubt our own capabilities and instincts. Breastfeeding is such a personal decision, based on so many factors, that we need to let each of us choose our own path. For instance, my sister was in a terrible car accident a month before her baby was due. She went into premature labor and had Anthony 3 1/2 weeks early. We were so blessed that they were both O K. My sister did break her wrist and had a cast that covered her hand and forearm. She tried and tried to breast feed, but Anthony wouldn't latch, and it was very awkward for her working with one arm. That poor girl tried and tried for three days. Finally, in tears, she gave up. Unfortunately, her milk had come in because she tried so much. So, she had to begin the painful process of drying out on top of it. She always felt very guilty about this choice. But a month later, some woman in her doctor's office was asking about Anthony, and said " I assume you are breastfeeding" to which my sister replied "No." She received a condescending glare and a "Ohhhh, why not?" My sister found herself having to explain the accident and her issues with it, and this woman finished the conversation with "Well, you could have pumped." My sister felt so bad and guilty about it she called me, and I had to spend a half hour reassuring her that she made a good decision based on her life and her situation. How unfair! She had already been through so much, and I was so proud of her to be such a trooper with her cast and accident, and this women made her feel so inept and doubtful of herself as a Mom. Do you know how many more stories similar to this one I have? Do you know how many lectures I received from people regarding epidurals, breastfeeding, gaining ONLY 35 lbs. during pregnancy, etc. etc. We, as women, have it hard enough in life. We don't need to make it any worse for each other.

I could go on and on, but I want to share some final thoughts about the balance of work and career. I often wonder how my mother did it all, though she stayed home with us after I was 5. I realized the support of family and friends was so strong back then. You always had help from sisters, Aunts and mothers to watch children, help with shopping, and finish house chores. Husbands were not as involved as we expect them to be now. And why do we want them so involved now? If we did not have them, who would we have? We are all living such solo lives now. Families are separated by miles and financial obligations. Everyone has their own lives, we are our own little islands in our own neighborhoods. Back when I grew up, we had my grandmother coming over for weeks at a time. Aunts were always over baking and cooking together. It saddens me to know that "the village" that Hillary Clinton talks about, is very hard to find. The support we need to keep on top of our busy, crazy lives needs to be high-priced day care situations and housekeepers that barely speak English! And the workforce today says they want working women but do they really? They still call Maternity Leave DISABILITY! Believe me, there is nothing disabling about becoming a mother. It it the most heroic, powerful thing you can physically do, and they call it disability. Most companies do not allow for flex time, and they call 4 days a week, "part time". With that, they take 20% of your salary, but then you end up working 40 hours anyway, just within 4 days. Lets face it, ladies, we have a LONG WAY TO GO!

We need change. We need to be heard! But we won't be heard if we just sit back and assume we can't do anything! Susan B. Anthony is rolling over in her grave. This past election in 2002, do you know 30 % of the population voted, and out of that, it was a small percentage of women! WOMEN, who FOUGHT SO HARD TO VOTE! We don't even take advantage of that right, today. Band together, join groups. Make change, even if it is in your own company, in your own neighborhood. SUPPORT other women. If we can take care of our children, we can take care of each other, too.

Tune in a few months from now for my next rant!

God Bless!
Flora  (2002)

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